so many things to blog so little time

A lot of juice justice and corgi worthy things happened in the news today. But i have a full time job so i can't report on this shit real-time! Here are the top two stories I read today that are JJC-worthy, and one timeless corgi video. they are in no particular order:

Today's Juice: Amanda Bynes (I really don't care that much about her as an actress, and by extension, her real life drama, but things JUST GOT INTERESTING)

after months of crazy tweets and erratic behavior (if you're out of the loop, here is an excellent timeline of her breakdown),   Amanda Bynes* has been 5150'd after she set fire to g-d knows what on an old lady's driveway then took her dog, who she accidentally doused in gasoline, into the employees only area of a liquor store to wash him off (see the liquor store surveillance store video, quickly sold to TMZ, here).  Of course, the 5150 hold is old news (btw that link is to PULITZER PRIZE WORTHY COVERAGE BY TMZ).  But there have been some new developments and I am not sure how closely you follow Amanda Bynes.

More recently, but still yawn-worthy, was that her 5150 hold got converted to a 5250. I.e. she has been involuntarily committed for 14 days instead of just 72 hours.

In today's news, a la britney (can we please have a moment of silence to appreciate britney's shaving-her-head-then-jacking-up-kfeds-car-with-an-umbrella-and-later-hooking-up-with-a-paparazzi-rampage ??!), Bynes' parents have filed for a conservatorship.

So what is so interesting? Their justification, duh! I wish I could get my hands on the moving papers which were reportedly filed under seal. Somehow, credible news sources (read: radar online) (ok also Huffington Post) are reporting on what her parents have alleged and here are the highlights:

• Amanda "cabbed it" from NYC to Los Angeles. 

I hope the cabbie at least offered to turn the meter off during pit stops.

• She was "extremely paranoid" and thought she was being watched. 

Um, this one seems unfair to me.  She is being watched by paparazzi 24/7.  I do not know if i'd classify this as "paranoid".

• She called her 9 year old niece "ugly" on twitter.

Sad Face. Double sad face.

• She is obsessed with the idea that she (and others) are 'ugly' 

If there is a requirement that the court take evidence to prove these allegations  (look, I know nothing about procedural or evidentiary requirements to get a conservatorship even if I should) maybe the judge can just take judicial notice of her twitter account because she has tweeted a million times in the last few months about this person and that person being ugly. (see e.g. president and michelle obama, drake, jay-z, and others!)

VERDICT: Totally JJC-worthy story.  It is sad though. But also VERY interesting.

Today's (in)justice: Asshole Cop of the Week

Who could forget This mother fucker?!

Well, adding insult to the pepper-spray-induced injury, former UC Davis copper, John Pike (NAME NAMES!!! I ALWAYS NAME NAMES!!)  is now appealing his claim for worker's compensation because of the WAIT FOR IT "psychiatric injury" he suffered from this incident. WOW.  Unless the injury is that he finally realized he is a big fat anus and it is embarrassing and humiliating to walk around as an anus, I do not think he should get a penny. This is a whole new level of douchebaggery.  Can I mention that we, as taxpayers,  had to pay the settlement because of this big fat idiot? Not to mention the "psychiatric injury" caused to the students and society as a whole when someone in a position of power perpetrates unprovoked violence against the people without lawful justification and under the color of the law. Ok I guess I did mention that.  What a drain on public funds this asshole is.  And people get mad about welfare?  This copper would make a nice piece of bacon because he is a big fat pig!  Also, I swear on everything that I am, I believe that this is his photograph. Resemblance? Just saying.

VERDICT: FUCK YOU JOHN PIKE!

3) And, of course, Today's Corgi:
Ok, so sue me, this isn't from today, but it is the best corgi video on the internet.

 

VERDICT: CORGI FLOP VIDEO DOES NOT FLOP!

*Disclosure, when I lived in LA I saw Amanda Bynes at Starbucks. I do not want anyone to think that my preexisting personal relationship with her (the time we spent at Starbucks at the same time) has influenced my ability to fairly and impartially write a blog post, on a blog that neither promotes nor subscribes to any ethical standards, about her