Pigs in the Pokey

So, I believe this is not the first case of a pig goes to the pokey and probably won't be the last.  Stories about cops arrested will be a recurring column featured on JJC. This is how I envision what it would be like to have this case come across your desk (note, this would never happen because, obviously, CHP officers have special cop-loving-defense lawyers that they go to when they eff up so the lawyer would know the 411 before he saw the file. But, indulge me.)

You read:
                   the charges: "sexual assault"
You think:
                   "bummer."
You read:
                   the police report and you learn that all parties involved are over 18.
You think:
                  "All right!!! So what's the problem?"
You keep reading.
                   "The victim is disabled."
You think:
                   "please don't say mentally, please don't say mentally."
You keep reading.
                    "the victim's disability is mental in nature.  He has a [insert super low IQ] here." [disclaimer: I have no idea if the case linked below involves a mentally or physically disabled victim. the story only reports that the victim is "disabled" as if the nature of the disability isn't crucial.]
You think:
                    "Damnit!"
You keep reading.
                       "The victim reported being touched inappropriately in the public restroom at Arden Fair Mall."
You think:
                       "1.  inappropriate shminappropriate what a conclusory word. cut to the chase. was there                  
                             penetration?;
                        2.  public restroom sex crime scene on a complete stranger? I'm guessing there is more to
                             the story.
                        3.  I love Arden Fair Mall. [shout out SACTOWN PEEPS!!!]"
You keep reading.
                        "the accused perpetrator is an active CHP officer."
You think:
                         "holy shit."

Dear CHP Officer Closson. EEEK.